Sakkie Parsons
Vertaal van Afrikaans: “Oor Die Vrou in die Huwelik”
I want to start with something I said when I wrote about the man in marriage.
There is a saying that I don’t think is true and that many people always quote, so I must assume that they also apply it – and this may also be why marriages end so quickly.
The saying is always quoted in some variation like this:
“Marriage is a matter of give and take.”
For me, this is one of the examples of satan’s ability, to come so close to the truth with a horrible lie, that the dirty lie looks like a very beautiful truth.
I say dirty lie, because there is simply no such thing as a beautiful lie.
You see, a child of God does not give his love or affection with the intention of receiving something in return.
My love for my wife, who is now with Jesus, was selfless and unconditional.
If someone asks me how I see marriage in relation to it, I always answer as follows:
“Marriage is not give and take. Marriage is giving and be grateful for what you receive.”
If I give and am grateful for what I receive from my wife – and she gives, and she is grateful for what she receives, you have a marriage full of the right kind of love.
Because – both give all the time, and both are grateful all the time to our Lord and to each other for being his/her spouse.
I’m going to say something now, and I know that many women who read this, might go up in arms. Although it shouldn’t be like that, because it is as it is written in the Word, and I ask therefore, please bear with me. It is written in the Word:
Eph 5:22-23 Marriage Like Christ and the Church
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord.
23For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. 24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house].
The first thing I want to beg you not to do –
Please do not say that it is no longer applicable today, as many people do with so many parts of Scripture in these last days, because like everything in Scripture, it is as relevant today as it was when our Lord had it written:
2 TIM 3:16-17
16All Scripture is God-breathed [given by divine inspiration] and is profitable for instruction, for conviction [of sin], for correction [of error and restoration to obedience], for training in righteousness [learning to live in conformity to God’s will, both publicly and privately—behaving honorably with personal integrity and moral courage]; 17so that the man of God may be complete and proficient, outfitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.
HEB 13:8-9
. 8Jesus Christ is [eternally changeless, always] the same yesterday and today and forever. 9Do not be carried away by diverse and strange teachings; for it is good for the heart to be established and strengthened by grace and not by foods [rules of diet and ritualistic meals], which bring no benefit or spiritual growth to those who observe them.
So, there it is written, in black and white.
EPH 5:22
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord.
I think the reason why this passage from our Lord’s Word has become unpopular with many Christians, especially with women – and not only woman, (and it is already something very wrong, because how can a part of the Word be unpopular for a child of God?)
It started, I think, with a wrong interpretation of the Translation, right there at the beginning.
We read:
Gen 2:18
18Now the LORD God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.”
The word “helper” may create the impression of “domestic help” and this is certainly not what our Lord intended.
My wife was my partner, and my partner is my equal – and when God give, He only give the best, and my partner’s help is like my right hand. I just simply can’t cope without the help with which she assists me.
You see we are exactly what our Lord intended; we are one.
Gen 2:24
24For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
What now? There it says in Ephesians 5:22: Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord.”
If I had been a woman I would have cried out in ecstasy; “Wonderful!”
You see –
I must not expect anything from my wife that does not bear our Lord’s approval, and this applies from the bedroom to wherever she or we are.
For, it is written there: “… As to the Lord.”
EFE 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
If our Lord would not expect from my wife what I ask of her, she does not have to do it either. She is not allowed to do that, because then she is not doing what is written there.
If anyone thinks I’m misunderstanding that part, we read in Colossians 3:18:
COL 3:18
18Wives, be subject to your husbands [out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God], as is proper and fitting in the Lord.
If it is not fitting before God what I expect of her, my wife must not do it – because then she disobeys our Lord.
I think with what is written in the Word, another of the great reasons why our Lord made the man the head of the house, is for the sake of order.
There is an English saying that says:
“Too many cooks spoil the broth.”
There is also another one that says:
“Too many chiefs and not enough Indians.”
One person must lead in marriage, and it fell on me as a man to do.
Because our Lord created the woman to be such a perfect partner for the man, in any case, I see in many, if not most, successful marriages that I know of, that the man leads, but that the woman quietly does the steering.
So, my experience is, and I should know, I lived with such a woman.
The true Christian woman does not have a problem with, for example, Ephesians 5:22 and all the other passages in the Word that connect to it – and believe me, there are other passages that underline this verse. No, it has the same value and truth for her as all the other Scriptures in the Word and in her heart, she smiles, because she knows what she knows and that is – that, because she is one with her husband, she also is co- leader.
Finally, I want to show you what an extremely high regard our Lord has for you as a woman.
Our Lord is saying in His Word that there is nothing greater than love.
1 COR 13:13
13And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.
The Word also says of our LORD:
1JHN 4:8 8The one who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. [He is the originator of love, and it is an enduring attribute of His nature.]
I am commanded in the Word to love my wife.
Eph 5:25
25Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
If someone who has authority over me gives me an order, that means I am not given a choice. In other words, I must carry out that order and if I don’t, I am disobedient, and it certainly has unpleasant consequences for me.
So, all of us married men listen cautiously –
Eph 5:25 25Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Note also that a man may only love his own wife as a man love a woman, with all that comes with it.
Eph 5:25 25Husbands, love your wives
The husband is not the wife’s boss but is head in the marriage and then a Christian head. It is a leader who, first, sets the example of how a child of God should live, and thus gives guidance in that way:
PHIL 4:8
8Finally, believers, (and also head in your marriage) whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].
(And thus, lead and set the image, and let your wife and the world see Jesus in and through you.)
I conclude what I wrote about the man in marriage:
I think that it is very good to, from time to time, especially if my partner and I have had words, to become quiet before our Lord and, with His instructions about marriage in my heart, ask myself:
“Am I fulfilling the role that our Lord want of me in my marriage at this moment?
Sakkie
Email: bediening@sakkieparsons.co.za
Website: www.sakkieparsons.co.za
Cell: 083 457 6669
Jude 1:24-25 To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy, to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
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