WHEN MAY I DIVORCE AND WHEN MAY I NOT – Part 2
Sakkie Parsons
Translated from Afrikaans: “Wanneer mag ek skei en wanneer nie? Deel 2”
Translator: Robin Barker
This is my second and last writing in this short series about: When may I divorce and when may I not.
I am going to now say something – and there will be many who will want to crucify me – because I do not have scriptures for it. I shall just say, like my great hero Paul said on many occasions. He makes a statement and then to emphasize that he was under the guidance from our Lord’s Holy Spirit he says:
1COR 7:40 “In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God”
So – I am going to now impart the following advice, because it is certainly the way I see it according to my feelings. I mean also that I also have God’s Holy Spirit. I am going to use the woman as my example which is by far, according to the mail I received, the party that suffers the most as far as this is concerned.
If a woman says to me that she is physically/or emotionally/or morally mishandled by her husband/partner, I will ask her, no – I will plead with her to leave her husband.
Take note –
I did not say that I would plead with her to divorce him, but to leave him as quickly as possible and in respect of her physical and emotional safety suggest that she must not return to her husband/partner before he has been for counselling and the councillor, or be it a psychologist, pastor, reverend or whoever he or she is, given her the certainty that her husband/partner has been healed of his abnormal behaviour.
Even if it means that you never return to him, but do not return to him before you are absolutely sure that he has been healed of his abnormal behaviour.
If you decide to return to a person who you are not certain about whether he has gone for treatment, and in case he has been, according to what the person who helped him, has not changed, then is the possibility according to my opinion about 100% sure that you will be stepping into a physical and emotional future, which may end, which has happened in the past to many other woman, in permanent disfiguration and/or leading to death.
To every Christian who is still, or again, looking for a life partner, I want to close with the following two pieces of advice:
Do not even possibly consider giving your heart to someone if you are not absolutely sure that the person has already given his/her heart to Jesus. Because if you do this, you can lose, either your belief, in other words your relationship with our Lord, or your psyche, or the breaking down of your body and possibly the total destruction thereof.
Because of the destructive outcome that such a thing can have on the believer, our Lord has forbidden us to marry an unbeliever.
The second very important piece of advice which I, especially for the ladies, want to give is, and if you see any of these behaviour patterns within the man with whom you want to associate with, or are already associated with, immediately end that relationship, otherwise according to my opinion, as I have already tried to make you understand, you are stepping into a future full of sadness and painful tears, which will lead you to meet what for you could be permanent damage and even death.
So – I plead with you do not try to look past it and react immediately to that as I have suggested here above.
Flee if you come across one or more of the following behaviours in him, or have already seen or experienced it:
Someone who cannot control his temper.
Someone with unreasonable jealousy.
Someone who tries to isolate you from your friends and/or family.
Someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs and does not want to go for treatment, or has already gone, but is not healed. Because I am of the opinion that if you have been for treatment and it was really your wish, you will no longer want to be mixed up with it.
Someone who always wants to be in control. You may only do this or that if it has his approval or if you precisely tell him what it all includes and then you are allowed to do it, also only if it has his approval.
Finally, someone who does not respect you or your beliefs.
According to my opinion it is soul destroying to be involved with someone like this.
Keep in mind that you are not yet married, and that what you see, is him trying to put his best foot forward.
That which you see now, is going to be present and may become worse, once you are married and now he has you.
To say it this way –
What you see now, is actually only the ears of the hippo which sticks out above the water.
If someone reads this and sees that I have describe you – there is good treatments for all of these situations and the starting point is JESUS.
Take Jesus Christ truly on as your Redeemer and Saviour and go for counselling. You can become a beautiful child of our Lord.
For everyone who says that they are Christians and they abuse or maltreat there spouse, I want to say – look truthfully in the mirror at yourself and listen how our Lord speaks to you through His Word:
EPH 4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
Greetings,
Sakkie