CONFESS AS LONG AS IT IS THROUGH LOVE
Sakkie Parsons
Translated from Afrikaans: “Bely sover dit in die liefde is”
Translator: Robin Barker
Someone wrote to me and asked, amongst other things: “Whether we should always confess to people every sin we have committed?”
Here is my understanding from the Word and how I try to live it out:
Also, remember that I am firstly speaking about Christians towards other Christians.
The one section from the Word, which is sometimes understood and used incorrectly to indicate that our sin towards each other must be confessed, we find in JAMES 5:16 but I begin quoting from verse 14:
JAMES 5:14-16
14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.
15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.
16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
This section is meant for a believer that finds him-/herself in a very specific situation. He/she is sick and it is, for me personally very clear that this is just relating to a sick person and his or her situation.
There is also other sections that people sometimes use together with JAMES 5:16 to show that you must and I emphasize ‘must’, confess your sins to other people and also there are other sections from the Word, in my opinion, that are used out of context and I will quote just two sections:
EPH 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Here it is clear that we must forgive other people who have done something wrong to us and that person is not obliged to confess their sin against me, just as I am not compelled to confess my sin against them.
I must simply just forgive them, as Christ forgave us and vice versa.
We also read:
COL 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
I must forgive my fellow man – Just as Christ forgave me. It is as simple as that.
Do you remember how Jesus taught us, amongst other things, to pray, concerning this matter?
MAT 6:12 “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors..”
Because you see:
MAT 6:14 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
MAT 6:15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Again, I say:
It is as simple as that.
Ultimately in my understanding of this topic it works as follows:
I need to work on the fact that there are no feelings of unforgiveness in my heart, and because I have to interact with people, I must pray and very, very carefully listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit in my heart, before I just confess to the person what I have done wrong particularly if that person does not know of my sin – so that the person concerned is not harmed (hurt / disadvantaged). But – and I know I say this often: I must certainly in full sincere remorse confess and repent to our Lord and ask our Lord’s forgiveness.
For example, I would not even want to hear if my wife sometime in the distant past in a moment of weakness was unfaithful to me and as I know my wife, I would also not want to cloud her relationship with me by confessing that I, for example, somewhere in the past had been unfaithful to her.
It will cloud the wonderful relationship that now exists between us into turmoil and maybe even harm it irrevocably.
Another example to show how unwise it would be to just, without prayer and without carefully listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, going straight to that person and confessing your sin against them, is the following:
I walk into a shop and see a fellow Christian lady and get, let us call it, wrong thoughts about her.
I can of course not just go up to her and say:
“Excuse me my sister, but I just want to confess that when I saw you I had wrong thoughts about you, please forgive me.”
I must of course immediately resist satan and ask our Lord for forgiveness.
Now let us say that at some time in the past I stole R1,000 from her; it has had definite consequences for her. Then I should approach her and confess and also rectify what needs to be rectified.
So, I certainly am not saying that we must never confess our wrong, or our sin against someone – but I say, that after I have confessed my sin with true sincerity to our Lord and have prayed in true sincerity about my confession to that person, I then must listen very, very carefully to the Holy Spirit and still praying, view the whole situation and then ask myself the question:
What would Jesus have done? If we are truly honest and sincere, as I have mentioned, first ask our Lord for forgiveness and then through prayer weigh everything up, we will then know what we must do.
In summary:
I must certainly always in honest sincerity confess all my sins towards our Lord and ask for His forgiveness.
Then I should always, to the best of my abilities, try to clear-up my feelings between me and someone else. Whether or not I have sinned against that person:
MAT 5:23 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, (if you remember, that you have something against him/her)
MAT 5:24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; Then come and offer your gift. (then your gift/Christianity will be acceptable to our Lord and your relationship with your Father will be what it should be).
In other words: Your Christianity (bring your gift to the altar), to put it this way, comes into reality if you know that a fellow Christian has bad feelings towards you, and you first make it right with that person to the best of your abilities.
Now remember. It is a person who has something against you.
So, it certainly does not mean that you must just approach that person every time that you have done something wrong to them, and to put it that way, to overwhelm them with all your confessions.
If it is something that you have done where the person is aware of it, then you must naturally confess that to him/her and ask for their forgiveness.
Pray always and listen carefully, very carefully to the Holy Spirit about whether you must confess a specific sin, which only you and our Lord know of, against that person. But not only asks Him if you must confess, but also how you must confess it – because you will confess it to a fallible person.
Finally, your confession to the person against whom you have sinned, if you confess to him/her, must have the following consequences, or meet the following criteria, otherwise you may replace the wrong with a much greater tragedy.
ROM 12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
ROM 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.ROM 13:10 Love does no harm to a neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law. (the fulfilment of the law)
Regarding people of the world, due to the control of satan in their lives, it is just not possible to discuss confession with them.
Therefore, confess and ask our Lord always with sincerity for forgiveness and then live as best as you can, concerning yourself, in peace with everyone:
ROM 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
MAT 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of god.
Someone sent the following wise words to me from the late Ena Murray and I want to share them with you:
“Confessing is a good thing, but it is only permissible if you do not hurt other innocent people. If it hurts/offends others, harm others, or interferes with their peace of mind, it must go.”
Regarding this subject there is another Writing which I will send to you on your request thereof namely:
“Confess each other your sins and pray for each other so that you can be healed.”
(Bely mekaar julle misdade en bid vir mekaar sodat julle gesond kan word)
Greetings,
Sakkie