WHEN MAY I DIVORCE AND WHEN MAY I NOT – Part 1
Sakkie Parsons
Translated from Afrikaans: “Wanneer mag ek skei en wanneer nie? Deel 1”
Translator: Robin Barker
Following on from a writing of mine, someone sent me the following question:
“It is very true, this article about marriage with an unbeliever. I wonder now: it is clearly stated that if the unbeliever wants to divorce, you must not prevent it, what then if the ‘believing’ man or woman wants to divorce the ‘unbelieving’ man or woman?”
This is how I see the case. The person who wrote to me, wrote, amongst other things, indeed with great truthfulness:
“…it is clearly stated that if the unbeliever wants to divorce, you must not prevent it …”
Come let us look at my great hero Paul’s statement which he made, but then we will also look at why he, to say it this way, made this allowance to a Christian so that we can also see if Paul had not moved slightly away from Jesus – Because we know that our Lord does not want Christians, unless because of adultery/whoring, to divorce.
Look now at this great wisdom which Paul, under guidance of the Holy Spirit, shares with us and here I use the New Life Version (NLV) which I really love and I am fortunate to have this section from that translation on my computer:
1COR 7:15 “If the one who is not a Christian wants to leave, let that one go. The Christian husband or wife should not try to make the other one stay. God wants you to live in peace.”
Do you see why you must let the ‘unbeliever’ go?
1COR 7:15 “…God wants you to live in peace.”
An English translation which I have on my computer states it like this:
1COR 7:15 “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
It is beautifully written: “…God has called you to peace.”
To start with, the ‘unbeliever’ is not a disciple of Jesus and therefore him/her, will not bother themselves, about your belief, in other words will also not bother themselves about your opinion about your belief and although it may be possible for you to, for some or other reason, manage to keep the ‘unbeliever’ within the marriage, it will be, to put it that way, for you both hell with continual arguing and remember what our Lord expects of us, where it pertains to other people:
ROM 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Now to the actual question which the person wrote to me – The person wrote:
“…it is clearly stated that if the unbeliever wants to divorce, you must not prevent it, what then if the ‘believing’ man or woman wants to divorce the ‘unbelieving’ man or woman?”
You know, it is clearly stated, that if the ‘unbeliever’ does not want to divorce, the ‘believer’ should not or then, may not divorce and together with that is written another great glory, which just shows how holy (sanctified) you and I are in the eyes of our Lord:
1COR 7:12-14 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
Do you see it?
As a result of your discipleship of Jesus and His presence in that persons marriage and therefore naturally in his/her life and your life partner are you holy (sanctified) in the eyes of our Lord and then you’re and the ‘unbelievers (husband/wife)’ children are holy (sanctified) in the eyes of our Lord.
Then your life partner wants to stay with you, Then of course just good can come from such a marriage, where everyone in the family is holy (sanctified) in the eyes of our Lord and then both parties in the marriage does not want the marriage to end in divorce.
You must now clearly understand – Paul, here in Corinthians was preaching to people who had never heard the Gospel of our Lord. When he preached the Gospel, did both, the man and woman, did not necessarily become ‘believers’. It happened many times that only one of the two in the marriage came to repentance and in other words he was then speaking to the ‘believers’ in such households.
It is in a household where the ‘unbeliever’ was so in love with their life partner that they would not leave him/her. Even though he/she, the ‘unbeliever’ would be living with a totally different person.
Here he is speaking with people who are married and one of them has become a ‘believer’.
1COR 7:17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
He is certainly not speaking to ‘believers which have gone totally against our Lord and who has married an ‘unbeliever’. I say totally against the orders of our Lord. Read the following:
2COR 6:14-18 14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
17 Therefore, “Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.”
18 And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”For the ‘believer’ who is in total disobedience to the Word of our Lord, who has married an ‘unbeliever’, I can only say, that you must remember: “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
You cannot make one disobedient deed, in other words, where you get married to an ‘unbeliever’, right with another disobedient deed, in other words get divorced:
The New King James version (NKJV) reads as follows:
MAL 2:16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce,…”
The New International version (NIV) reads as follows
MAL 2:16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty.”
So – if your ‘unbelieving life partner does not want to divorce you must then stay with him/her.
Someone may ask: Why may the ‘unbeliever’ always have the right to decide to, which certainly is the unfortunate state of the matter, to divorce or not?
Well, as I see it, the ‘believer in the one situation where the ‘believer’ in disobedience has gone into the marriage, have got him/her into a situation, where you can only get out of this through an extremely disobedient step and what is more – you will do yet again a more wilful thing which you know our Lord hates and so you will for a second time willingly and knowingly stray, together with the first, will be a total a greater outrage towards our Lord than the first one.
I now want to say something about why a Christian with peace in his/her heart can let the ‘unbeliever’ out of the marriage, if that one does not want to continue with the marriage.
I see it this way: Firstly as I have already shown you, because the Word says that under those circumstances it may be done.
Then, in the marriage where one of the two life partners has come to repentance, has the ‘unbelievers’ life partner like the ‘unbeliever’ him/her has known them, has died.
The person who has married the ‘unbeliever’, is in actual fact no longer there. Now before the ‘unbeliever’ stands someone else, and now this can be a problem for the ‘unbeliever’, to say it in another way, will not or does not want to accept him/her and of course the ‘unbeliever’ did not ask for this.
ROM 6:3-8 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. 5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.
The ‘unbeliever’ now sees before him/her a new person which the unbeliever’ cannot or will accept and no longer wants to live with them. Because what does the ‘unbeliever’ see before him/her?
A new or a different person.
COL 3:9-10 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
The ‘unbeliever’ is now confronted with someone with who’s character the ‘unbeliever’ him-/herself can no longer comprehend (understand) and also for the ‘believer’ it is not easy, but thankfully, to put it that way, the ‘believer’ has the Holy Spirit residing within him/her, so that the ‘believer’ can manage the situation, but the ‘unbeliever’ has just him-/herself, in other words, with regards to satan, is the ‘unbeliever’ actually defenceless.
2COR 6:14 “…For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
This is then regarding the ‘believer’ who is married to an ‘unbeliever’ and how we must act if the ‘unbeliever’ wants to divorce or does not want to divorce.
I cannot close this writing off, without saying, something else about the ‘believer’ who wilfully and knowingly goes and marries an ‘unbeliever’. If you (as a believer) have taken that very disobedient step to marry an ‘unbelieving’ person and that person commits adultery and does not want to leave you, you should not divorce. You must remember that the Word says that it is possible to win your ‘unbelieving’ life partner for our Lord through your continual preaching through your life, take note, not just through your mouth, but continually preaching to him/her through your lifestyle.
1PETER 2:12 Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
In other words, carry the fruit of the Holy Spirit which is in you and win your life partner for Christ.
GAL 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control….
It can, in other words, it can all become right if you truly understand that you have sinned and you ask our Lord for forgiveness for the sinful situation you have come into. Because our Lord says:
1JOHN 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
There is still something else regarding this subject about marriage which I want to share with you, namely physical and emotional abuse, but I will do this in my next writing to you.
Greetings,
Sakkie