HUMILIATED – NOT JEALOUS
Sakkie Parsons
On more than one occasion, I have received mail on this subject, and because I have now again received similar mail from someone, I felt led to share with you how I understand this major problem in some men’s lives, using the light of the Word at my disposal.
On one occasion, a lady spoke with me and told me how humiliating it is for her just to walk down the street with her husband. She said he practically stares at almost every woman who comes into his line of sight.
Now, there is a difference between admiration and lust/desire, and when someone behaves like the man I described here, it is simply lust.
So, let us first look at what the Word says about “lust”:
Matthew 5:28 – But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If any man with this kind of problem pretends that he does not have a problem,
or tries to justify it, or, as they say in English, “tries to pass the buck” by pretending that his wife is just jealous – then he does not yet have such a relationship with our Lord that he can or wants to listen to what the Holy Spirit says in his heart.
For in the midst of Satan’s attacks against him, the true Christian man will certainly hear or remember what our Lord has caused to be written for us and will respond:
1 Thessalonians 4:3–8
3 For this is the will of God, that you be sanctified [separated and set apart from sin]: that you abstain and back away from sexual immorality;4 that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor [being available for God’s purpose and separated from things profane],5 not [to be used] in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God [and are ignorant of His will];6 and that no man transgresses and exploits his brother because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we have told you before and solemnly warned you.7 For God has not called us to impurity, but to holiness [to be dedicated and set apart by behavior that pleases Him, whether in public or in private].8 So, whoever rejects and disregards this is not merely rejecting man, but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you [to dwell in you and empower you to overcome temptation].
I am not for one moment saying that a true Christian man will not be attacked by these kinds of fantasy thoughts, but I do say with certainty that the true Christian man will never accept them as the norm of life or continue to cherish them.
He will actively fight against them and work to remove them from his life, because he will listen to the Holy Spirit within him, who will always, in one way or another, make him understand in his heart:
James 4:7 – So submit to [the authority of] God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him] and he will flee from you.
In another translation, this verse reads:
James 4:7 – Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Certainly, the Holy Spirit will also, in one way or another, cause him to understand in his heart and he will act accordingly:
1 Peter 1:15 – But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves in all your conduct [be set apart from the world by your godly character and moral courage];
What do I say to ladies who are in relationships with a man who cannot or will not keep his eyes off other women and is constantly flirting?
I am truly sorry, but ultimately, there are only three options, of which, unfortunately, only two are in your hands:
The man must turn to our Lord so that he truly wants to, and can fight against these kinds of fantasy thoughts about other women.
This is the option that is not in your hands.
Or you must accept that this will always be part of your life in your relationship, at least until the man in your life truly turns to our Lord.
This is the first option you can decide for yourself.
Or, and I am sorry to mention this as well, but this is, unfortunately, the harsh reality and the second option in your hands – you will have to end the relationship. Without true repentance, he will never change or stop committing adultery in his heart.
Because, without a doubt, that is what he is doing:
Matthew 5:28 – But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
The undeniable reality is that adultery is ultimately nothing other than fornication.
Personally, I think it is a terrible injustice to be emotionally abused in this way, and I do not believe that anyone should allow someone to do that to them.
If anyone thinks I am exaggerating, quickly put yourself in the shoes of the lady I told you about and honestly think how you would feel if you experienced it.
To all Christian men struggling with this problem, I want to say:
Never accept that weakness in your life as the norm.
1 Thessalonians 4:7 – For God has not called us to impurity, but to holiness [to be dedicated and set apart by behavior that pleases Him, whether in public or in private].
1 Thessalonians 4:8 – So, whoever rejects and disregards this is not merely rejecting man, but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you [to dwell in you and empower you to overcome temptation].
Therefore, my prayer in conclusion for all Christian men with this problem:
1 Thessalonians 5:23 – Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [that is, separate you from profane and vulgar things, make you pure and whole and undamaged—consecrated to Him—set apart for His purpose]; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept complete and [be found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Greetings,
Sakkie